Dispersion Read online

  “I don’t know how to put this delicately, so I’m going to go out and say it.” She pauses. “As hard as this is for you right now, it’s a hundred times worse for Jess.”

  “Allison—” I start.

  “No, let me finish.”

  Josie stirs and cries out in reaction to the change in her mother’s tone. Allison takes her to bring to her chest, calming her instantly. My arms fall on my thighs.

  “What happened to her—what your brother did to her—is so terrible. No one should ever have to go through it. She’s drowning in her pain, trying to claw her way back to”—Allison takes a breath—“not even to happiness, but to a point where she can tolerate everything.”

  I drop my head. It’s what my brother did to her. I brought her to him. I’m the reason this happened.

  Allison shifts Josie and grabs my hand with her newly freed hand.

  “I don’t mean to discount your own pain, Elliot. This is hard for you as well. It’s hard to lose the one you love. Believe me, I know.”

  I cringe. At least Jess is still alive, no matter her emotional state. Maybe if I knew exactly what happened, I could understand how to better help her.

  “Allison, tell me what he did to her. I need to know.” My voice drops at the end. I sound so desperate and pathetic.

  Her tone is sharp, biting into me. “You don’t need to know anything, Elliot. You may think you do, but you don’t. Stop making her pain all about you. You can’t take it in for her. That’s not what she needs.”

  “What does she need?” I ask.

  Allison laughs bitterly. “I wish I knew that too, buddy. But I can tell you what she doesn’t need: someone looking at her like she’s the victim.”

  “I don’t look at her like…” I trail off at her raised brow. Is that what Jess meant when she said she couldn’t stand my pity? How can I not look at her and feel sorry for all the things that have happened to her—all because of a situation I put her in?

  Maybe both of them are right. I’m not strong enough for Jess anymore. I’m not the type of person she needs to get better. I’m only going to slow down her healing.

  I draw in a deep breath, finally understanding the new role I need to have in her life. “If I’m not strong enough for her and not who she needs, can you be that person?”

  She takes my hand again and squeezes. “I can try.”

  I have to have faith that Allison can support her in the ways I can’t. I have to.

  “None of this matters if she won’t come with us, though. She can’t be alone and expect to be safe.” I bite my tongue as I almost suggest Allison stay behind with Jess. We can’t get separated.

  “Let me talk to her and see what I can do,” she says.

  Dominic, finishing up his route along the fence, is barely visible. I clench my free fist.

  “If only there were a way we could get rid of Dominic. We don’t need him anymore…” I taper off, finally voicing my desire and letting it hang in the air.

  “That’s not who you are.”

  I pull my hand away and stare intently at Allison, begging her to make the decision for me. “It could be.”

  She smiles ruefully as she pushes my growing hair off my forehead. “No, it couldn’t.”

  I dart my eyes away to watch Dominic’s arrogant strut across the field as he gets closer and closer to us.

  I remember the feeling of my hands tightening around his neck when we were back in Potentia, the power of finally having control over him. I could do that again and finish the job this time. Allison doesn’t know everything about me and what I’m capable of. I may not be strong enough for Jess, but if I need to, I won’t let him go again.

  Though, Jess said she couldn’t look at me because Dominic and I share our eye color. Killing Dominic won’t change my genetics or what happened. She still won’t be able to look at me. She still won’t come back.

  No matter how hard I will it, I can’t change the past. I can’t right the wrongs my brother caused. But…what if I can control the future? Do I at least get a say in that?

  “We are leaving in the morning. Make sure you all are ready. There is no point in delaying further,” Dominic commands as he walks back after his barrier check. His weapon is still clean.

  He walks out toward the vehicle and checks under the hood again for the third time today.

  “I’m not leaving tomorrow morning unless we’re all together,” I say.

  Allison sighs. “I know you won’t. I’m going to look for Jess. Why don’t you go inside and start packing?”

  “Allison, you recently had a baby. Don’t go looking for her. She’ll be back soon. She doesn’t even have her weapon.” As soon as I say this, I get nervous. What if she runs into one of the Letum?

  “If there’s anything she can’t handle, she’ll be fast enough to run back,” Allison says, obviously on a similar train of thought. “Josie and I will stay here and wait for her to get back. She may be more likely to come back if you’re not here. Go inside.”

  Will her rejection ever stop feeling like a punch to the stomach every time I’m reminded of it?

  “Call out if you need anything,” I say as I stand.

  “Will do,” Allison replies.

  As I go inside, I’m surprised by the sense of nostalgia this place brings. I’ve only lived here for a couple of months, a small fraction of my life, yet it quickly became a home. Before Matt turned and everything fell apart, this is where I truly was the happiest I’ve ever been.

  I rub my hands on the back of their overstuffed couch. There’s no going back now. Matt is dead, and Jess couldn’t be further from me. Even though I’ve been sleeping out in the living room since we returned, I enter Dominic’s room to rummage through the closet for the clothes I can bring. It shouldn’t be too long of a journey. Dominic thinks only a couple of days’ worth of driving, but I want to make sure I have something to change into—especially if we run into a group of the Letum.

  I hate having their blood on me. Every time it happens, I think of the first Letum I killed—the one that got to Carly. I smashed a tree branch into it so many times I was slimed in its blood…and Carly’s.

  Everything I’m packing used to be Matt’s. While he ended up being much bigger than me, in both height and muscle, he had old clothes that I’ve been wearing ever since they rescued us.

  And then, Matt turned and I exposed us to my brother. I should never have believed that after an entire life of enduring his cruelty, I could trust my brother to change.

  Why does he want us to go out to Acroisia so badly? He claims it’s because they don’t practice genetic engineering as we have in the territories. Logically, it makes sense that that’s where we would go, as it should be safer. But, we grew up being told—over and over again—that the people in Acroisia were a backward population and extremely violent. They caused the Civil War because of their fear of science.

  Then again, that same society also spouted all the propaganda about how pathetic Unplanned were, and look how they were wrong about that.

  I’m not sure what to believe anymore.

  After all the damage we’ve caused amongst ourselves in the territories with this virus, it can’t be worse over there. Maybe they were right all along and we can find somewhere safe.

  “It’s going to work out, I promise. We’ll find a way, but you need to come with us,” Allison calls out from the hallway as the two of them walk into Jess’s room, not closing the door all the way.

  I freeze and hold my breath, listening to their conversation from Dominic’s room next to hers.

  “No, it’s better if I leave,” Jess says. “It’s already a bad situation, and it’s only going to get worse.”

  Josie cries briefly before settling back down.

  “This isn’t something you can get through on your own. You’re going to need help.”

  Jess’s pitch is higher when she responds in a rush. “Stay here with me. I can keep watch on the barrier and keep us safe.�
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  Unable to hold my breath any longer, I let it out. There’s a long pause without any talking. Do they know I’m listening? Sure, I’m ashamed that I’m eavesdropping…but I’ll take any insight I can get.

  “No, that won’t work,” Allison finally says, letting my heart resume its beating.

  “Why not?”

  “Elliot’s not going to leave without us, and Dominic won’t leave without him. Besides, how long do you think it would be sustainable, just us? If there is a large enough group, we could be overwhelmed.”

  “I still think our chances would be better,” Jess says quietly enough that I almost don’t hear her.

  “Once we get there, we’ll be at a much bigger place. There will be another community for us to integrate into. You won’t have to see either of them nearly as much.”

  “I don’t know…” Jess mumbles.

  “Please, come. If not for yourself, do it for me. I can’t stand to lose anyone else. We can be in this together.”

  I hold my breath again, waiting for her response.

  “Okay,” Jess says.

  “You’ll come?” The relief in Allison’s voice is almost tangible.

  “Yes, but I’m not happy about it. I don’t think it’s a good idea with—”

  Allison cuts her off. “You may not see it now as the right choice, but it is. One day, you’ll be grateful you did.”

  “I wish I could close my eyes and wake up a year from now with everything behind us and past all this pain. I don’t know how much longer I can live like this,” Jess says.

  Allison laughs resentfully. “You want to race ahead away from this whole mess, and I want to go back to a time when Matt was still here with us. We’re a great team.”

  “When we get to Acroisia, you’ll stay with me?” Jess asks, her vulnerability showing how afraid she is of being alone.

  “Every step of the way. I promise,” Allison says.

  Jess sighs. “I couldn’t think of a worse situation.”

  “I know.” Allison pauses. “Come help me pack up our things, though Josie doesn’t have that much—only what Matt and I scavenged on various trips.”

  There are approaching footsteps, and I gently shut my door, so they won’t suspect I heard them.

  Chapter Seven

  “Get in the vehicle, Joe. We are waiting on you,” Dominic calls from the driveway, his voice bored and impatient.

  With my bag slung over my shoulder, I take one last look at the house. Surely where we’re going has to be better than what this place has been like lately.

  “Let’s go, Elliot.” Allison’s voice sounds pained.

  I turn my back on the house and close the final distance between the vehicle and myself, jogging by the time I get to the vehicle.

  I sit in the front with Dominic; Jess and Allison are already in the back with Josie. Callie’s head rests on the floor.

  Dominic starts the vehicle and it purrs to life. The last time we were all in this vehicle together, it was when we left Potentia to come back to Matt. Though the ride took almost five hours, not a single word was said. That seems like a lifetime ago.

  Using the rearview mirror, I sneak a peek at the back seat. Jess’s eyes are closed and her hands are shaking. When Allison notices this, she covers Jess’s hands with the free hand that isn’t holding Josie.

  Jess’s eyes open and something passes between them, almost a kind of strength. I look away.

  Dominic is staring at me, his expression calculating.

  All he’s going to do is be a constant reminder to Jess of everything he has put her through—whatever that all may be. No matter what Allison thinks, I could do this—and I will.

  He smirks as if he can read my thoughts and raises an eyebrow in question.

  I look away. “Drive,” I say.

  “As you command, Joe,” Dominic replies. “Fortunately, the vehicle that I took from Potentia allows free travel and has an excellent battery supply. It should be able to store enough solar energy throughout the day to last us through each night.”

  He plugs some information into the front console. “I do not have an exact destination to key in, so I am directing it out east. I suspect that once we get closer to Acroisia, there should be indications as to where to go. Based on an old map I saw, it looks like this road may take us straight to them. It used to be a major highway, but now all we can hope is that it’s been kept up enough to get us where we need to go.”

  He finishes entering the codes, and the vehicle starts down the driveway. He’s already opened the gate and we drive past it.

  “Wait, let’s close the gate,” I say as I open the door.

  “We are not coming back,” Dominic says as he punches the code in to stop the vehicle.

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  I jog over to securely close the gate. Matt is buried here. We shouldn’t let it be overrun with the Letum. He deserves a better resting place.

  When I get back in the car, Allison mouths, “Thank you.”

  The vehicle quickly gains speed as it races down the street.

  “How long will it take us to get there?” Allison asks.

  “With the speed this can go, probably about three days of driving,” Dominic says, his eyes alert on the road.

  “What then?” I ask.

  “We tell them our story, or rather, an altered version of it. We are all from the territories—that fact we cannot hide. The two societies have been separated for about a hundred years. There are going to be several cultural changes and mannerisms that will make it obvious we’re not from there.”

  “How different do you think they’ll be?” I ask. They used to tell us that they would hunt down the Planned and kill whoever they could get their hands on. There was no reasoning with them. They were vicious and uneducated.

  “Your guess is as good as mine, Joe.” I freeze. “Well, on second thought, it probably is not.”

  “Do you ever stop being an ass?” Allison asks.

  Dominic’s shoulders tense. “Going back to our story, this is important, so everyone pay attention. We are all Unplanned and managed to escape due to an overheard conversation on public transportation.”

  I eye his apparent height and strength. “Do you think anyone will believe you’re Unplanned?”

  For once, he looks unsure of himself and grimaces. “Let me do most of the speaking. Whatever you do, do not admit to having any sort of relationship with anyone who is Planned…even Matt. If anyone asks, he was Unplanned and was bitten.”

  “Is this necessary? What if the stories aren’t true? We could have demonized them after the Civil War,” Allison says as she shifts Josie in her arms.

  Dominic strums his fingers on his thigh. “Of course the stories have been exaggerated. They still will stem from some seed of truth. Do you want to tell the truth and risk your daughter’s life needlessly?”

  His words echo through the vehicle, and no one responds to him. Even with the risk in going out to Acroisia, all of us prefer the unknown evil as opposed to what we know from the territories.

  The ride passes by without any of us saying anything. There’s nothing left to discuss. As time passes, with the sun’s movement in the sky the only indication that the day is moving forward, the space feels more and more claustrophobic. Everyone must sense it because the random twitching inside the vehicle increases as time goes on—especially with Allison.

  “Can you please pull over?” Allison asks, breaking the long silence.

  “For what?” Dominic asks, his voice hoarse after some disuse.

  “I need to go to the bathroom.”

  Dominic looks back. “Can you not hold it for a little bit longer? I would like as much distance between the territories and us as quickly as possible. The longer we are on the road, the more likely we are to run into someone else who might want to take what we have.”

  Allison raises her voice. “Dominic, after being pregnant for over eight months and giving birth to my child, I hav
e to tell you, my bladder isn’t what it used to be. If you don’t pull over soon, we’re going to have a problem.”

  I cough to try to hide my laughter, but Dominic still glares at me.

  He types in some codes and the car gradually slows down until it comes to a smooth stop. Allison, leaving Josie on the seat, runs out of the car and past the trees to get some cover.

  “Two minutes, Allison,” Dominic calls out as she fades into the distance.

  All of us, including Callie, get out of the vehicle. I stretch my legs and jog in place. After sitting for so long, it feels amazing to be able to move.

  Callie sniffs the leaves off the side of the road.

  “While we’re stopped…” I say. I don’t want to have to ask Dominic to stop again.

  “Yeah, me, too,” Jess says. “Come on, Callie.”

  Callie jerks her head up at the mention of her name but stays close to the vehicle.

  Jess shrugs and walks out in the direction Allison went. I angle in another direction, far enough that I won’t run into them, and walk out. I take long strides, appreciating the ability to stretch.

  Though the sun is still out, it isn’t warm enough to take the chill out of the air. I should have put on my jacket. The benefit to the season, though, is the changing leaves. Because they’re still in the process of dying, they’re a nice orange, reddish color. I take a deep breath of the fresh air.

  I’ve finished readjusting my pants when Callie barks for the first time. It’s not a bark that I’ve heard from her before. It’s much more high-pitched than what I’m used to. She chirps it again and I run back toward the vehicle. Something is wrong. It wasn’t her playful bark; it sounded like a warning.

  I don’t duck in time and a small branch hits my cheek. It stings as blood trickles down my face.

  I break through the trees. While all of the doors are open, there’s no one in or around the vehicle. With her hackles raised, Callie is in a defensive stance as one of the Letum comes closer toward the vehicle. Its clothes are in ruins, showing its rib cage and rotting flesh. As is characteristic of many Letum, its bottom lip has been torn in half, with each side flopping out as it moans and moves its tongue.