Dispersion Read online

  “What did he do to Jess?” Matt furrows his eyebrows. “Is she actually here or are the two of you hiding the fact that she got killed? I don’t understand why I haven’t seen her yet.” He scans my face for signs of the truth.

  “She’s…she’s alive,” I say. I almost said she was okay, but that would have been a lie.

  “Oh, good,” Matt says in obvious relief. “Where is she then?”

  “Dominic didn’t treat her kindly,” Allison says.

  “What did he do to her?” His tone is harsh and unforgiving, matching my own feelings.

  I hold my breath. Does Allison know what happened?

  She says, “I’m not sure exactly, but it did a lot of damage. Both physically and mentally.”

  “She told me to let her go,” I admit. I hate how pathetic I sound.

  “Jess needs time right now.” Allison pats my knee. “She still cares about you.”

  I throw my arms up. “I want to help her, but I can’t do that if she won’t let me.”

  “However hard it is for you to understand, it’s so much worse for her,” Allison says. “If you truly care about her, you will give her whatever she wants right now.”

  How can she mean that? “Even if that means doing nothing?”

  “If that’s what she needs right now, then do nothing. You don’t have to agree with her decisions, but you must support her.”

  “Women are tricky, brother,” Matt says.

  I ignore him and focus on Allison. “Will you reach out and help?”

  She doesn’t hesitate. “Of course.”

  “But he’s your brother. I don’t understand,” Matt says.

  “In blood, yes. He was jealous that Jess chose me and I had something he didn’t. He had to correct that.”

  “I don’t understand why he’s here with us if he did something like that,” Matt says, shifting his position to angle himself at me.

  “For you,” I say.

  “Get rid of him. He shouldn’t be here,” Matt says.

  “We need him,” I say.

  Matt shakes his head and takes a deep breath.

  Allison winces and grabs her stomach. “What happened?” Matt asks in alarm.

  His panicked expression elicits a laugh from Allison, and she says, “Our kid is actually on the way.”

  “Whoa,” Matt says and looks in wonder at her stomach. I mimic his reaction. I can’t believe a person is about to come out of her body. The three of us focus on her pregnant belly in awe.

  A light knock at the door interrupts our musings. Jess stands at the doorway uncertainly. Her eyes are red, and she squints out of her blackened, swollen eye.

  “Can I come in?” she asks. Her voice is barely audible.

  “Of course,” Allison says, her tone light.

  “Welcome to the birth of our baby!” Matt says with joy. I admire him for his ability to ignore the elephant in the room. I wish I could do that.

  Jess takes a couple of steps into the room.

  “You can have my chair,” I say. I jump up, and she flinches at my sudden movement. A frown crosses my face before I can hide the emotion away. Unfortunately, Jess notices—her pained expression says as much.

  “I’m sorry,” I say. All I want to do is make everything better, but I keep making it worse.

  She wordlessly refuses my offer and leans against the opposite wall. Allison and Matt eye this awkward movement but don’t say anything.

  “I’m glad you’re back,” Jess says.

  “I’m the picture of good health,” Matt says.

  “I can see that,” Jess says. Her lips twitch in tentative amusement.

  I don’t understand how he can help control some of her pain when I can’t. I should be able to do that.

  “Knock, knock,” Matt says.

  Allison rolls her eyes with a grin. “Who’s there?”

  “Doris.”

  Allison goes along. “Doris, who?”

  “Doris locked. That’s why I’m knocking!” Matt delivers the punch line. His old booming laugh is replaced by a cheap imitation. Nonetheless, it’s nice to hear again, and all four of us chuckle at the joke.

  “Oh! There’s another one,” Allison exclaims and holds on to her stomach again.

  “Come on! There’s no way my joke was that bad,” Matt teases. Even though he’s seemingly carefree, there is a thin line of tension in his expression.

  “It was pretty bad,” Jess says. The two women share an amused glance that I want to be a part of. Because of our conversation, I keep my distance and don’t say anything. For now, I’ll do my best to follow Allison’s advice and support Jess in any way that’s possible—even if that means pretending to be invisible. I don’t see how that’s going to do any good, but whatever I try isn’t helping. I can at least follow along with Allison’s suggestions until I think of something better.

  I sit back down in the chair. If Dominic is right, and I strongly suspect he will be, Allison has a long process to go through before the baby joins us. I might as well get comfortable.

  Even though, historically, Dominic’s guesses have almost always been accurate, I can’t help but hope he’s wrong about Matt’s time frame. Maybe there is some other medication he can take to give him more time. If he was able to come back, that’s almost a miracle. Surely we can get another one.

  “Tell me,” Matt says, breaking my train of thought and drawing my attention to him. He’s staring directly at me. “What caused this infection?”

  Allison rubs his arm. “Is now the best time?”

  “I want to know why this is happening to me—why our family is going to be torn apart and so many people have died,” Matt says.

  He wants someone to blame right now. He’s hoping this infection occurred for a good cause and there’s a reason for his suffering. The truth isn’t satisfying. It’s not going to help. We did this to ourselves.

  “We should wait until you’re stronger,” I say.

  “According to your brother, I’m not going to be getting any stronger.”

  Matt continues to stare at me, demanding the answers that I don’t want to give. It’s worse once you know how avoidable everything was.

  “It was the genetic engineering,” Jess says from the other side of the room. “We caused all of this.”

  Allison carefully watches Matt’s expression as he takes in the knowledge. She grabs his hand and holds it.

  “Keep going,” he finally says.

  “For our generation, they isolated the gene that caused cancer and removed it from genetic possibility for the Planned,” Jess continues.

  His eyes dart to Allison, who, like myself, is Unplanned. “So you’re safe then, right? This won’t happen to you…or our child?”

  “I don’t think so,” Allison says and looks down at her swollen stomach. “We should be safe.”

  “Thank goodness.” Matt lets out a deep breath and visibly relaxes. “How are the two related?”

  With Dominic’s explanation echoing through my mind, I respond. “It turns out, all along, cancer was an evolutionary defense mechanism against turning into the Letum. When the infection would occur, a person developed cancer to protect themselves. The cancerous cells took over the infected cells.”

  “And that’s why he injected me with cancer—to fight off the infection.” Matt shakes his head in disgust. “I remember one class when my educator was going on and on about how important genetic engineering was and how fortunate we were to be born in the territories…” He tapers off and glances toward Allison. “This was right after our parents found out about us and we started sneaking off together, I think.”

  Despite everything, Allison smiles at the memories. “And look where that got us,” she says and gestures toward her stomach as she cringes at another contraction.

  Matt chuckles that same weak noise that’s a terrible alternative to the booming laughter he used to have and holds her hand until the pain passes.

  “Anyway, they mentioned how we
couldn’t get cancer anymore and what a great accomplishment that was because there was no cure for cancer,” Matt says.

  Allison’s face falls, and Matt immediately cups her chin.

  “There has to be a way or something we can do,” Allison says.

  “Maybe,” Matt says.

  We look at each other, and there is a dull acceptance in his expression. He’s already accepted his fate.

  Chapter Four

  Sweat pours down Allison’s face while she shakes her head in defeat. “I can’t do this anymore. Something’s wrong.”

  Matt kisses her on the forehead, ignoring the film of moisture. “You’re doing so well. Just a little bit more.”

  She narrows her eyes as she breathes heavily. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. What if something is wrong?”

  She’s been in labor for almost thirty hours and pushing for the last two hours or so. It’s ticking away at the time Matt has left. It’s so limited.

  For once, I’m thankful to have my brother with us. “Allison, I can see the progress. You are almost there. We are so incredibly close to meeting your child. Can you fight a little longer?” Fresh resolve takes over as she hastily wipes away her sweat and tears. “Okay, gather your strength. We are almost there.”

  Dominic’s attention refocuses. I hold my breath in anticipation of the new arrival. Even Jess is showing a small twinge of excitement, the first emotion outside of her pain that she’s hinted at since we left the territories.

  “Okay,” Allison grunts. “Okay.”

  “Almost there,” Dominic says again.

  Allison screams out, knuckles white as she squeezes down on Matt’s hand. He leans in and mutters in her ear.

  “The baby is crowning. I can see the head,” Dominic says. “One more push should do it.”

  Jess peeks and immediately snaps her head back. “Don’t look,” she mouths at me.

  She doesn’t need to tell me twice.

  With one final triumphant, guttural gasp from Allison, Dominic guides the baby the rest of the way out…along with a bunch of blood and other stuff I don’t even want to think about.

  “Is the baby okay?” Allison gasps.

  “A towel, Joe,” Dominic says as he cuts the umbilical cord.

  I quickly hand it over in wonder. He gently wipes the child off. She clenches her pink fists up by her head, which is covered with thick, dark hair.

  “The baby,” Allison calls out again, this time much louder.

  “She’s beautiful,” Jess says as a large cry echoes across the room.

  Matt leans forward. “Healthy?”

  “As far as I can tell.” Dominic smiles as he hands the infant off to Allison. “Congratulations, you are now parents to a baby girl.”

  “A daughter?” Allison carefully takes her, and the two of them stare in amazement.

  “Yes,” Dominic confirms.

  Matt’s eyes break away from his child and make contact with mine. His lips spread in a broad smile, somehow accentuating his newly narrowed face even more. “Incredible,” he says.

  With Dominic in the corner making notes, Jess and I stand next to the bed.

  Jess steps closer and stares down at the child in amazement. She looks up, as if to share this miracle, and we make eye contact. Her body tenses as she returns her attention down toward the family.

  I continue watching Jess. As incredible as this is, with all that we paid to make it happen, was all of the pain to get here worth it? Will a couple more days with Matt justify the suffering? If I could take it back, I would without hesitation.

  “You did so well.” Matt leans down and kisses Allison on her forehead. “I love you so much.”

  With sweat still dripping down her forehead, she smiles with such unfiltered joy that it leaves me breathless. If she had given birth before the territories collapsed from the infection, this event would have been treated with embarrassment and disgust because the child was Unplanned.

  “She’s perfect,” Allison says and examines her even closer. “And so small! Her fingers are tiny.”

  Matt spreads the baby’s fingers and stares down in awe. “She’s us, Allison,” he says so simply.

  Allison laughs and wipes the tears off of her face. “She has your ears.”

  “Well, luckily, Josie is going to have excellent hearing.”

  Allison’s eyebrows rise. “Josie?”

  Matt places his arm across her shoulder, smiling down at the daughter they created together. “She’s a Josie.”

  “She is.” Allison leans down and kisses her daughter.

  “Josie is a beautiful name,” Jess says.

  Allison gazes up in confusion, as if she forgot we were here. Then, that expression goes away and in its place, her joy returns.

  Jess squeezes her shoulder and, probably sensing the same private nature of this moment, says, “I’ll be back later to check in on how you’re doing.”

  “I’m going to go outside and check around,” I say and turn to follow Jess out of the room. They have such little time left. I don’t want to interrupt it.

  I hesitate and turn back around to try to freeze the image of them huddled together as a family. Circumstance may be taking her father away from her much sooner than is fair, but it’s impossible for Josie to be more loved right now. This has to be worth it. I need to remember this later when it’s all over.

  I leave the room and walk slowly down the hallway, still stunned at what I witnessed. It’s one thing to hear about the birthing process, but another to be there for it. There were some moments in there I probably could have been okay with not ever seeing.

  There has been so much death lately, but she’s a new life and should be able to do whatever she wants. That has to mean something. We need to create a life for her that gives her the potential she deserves, something I never had growing up as an Unplanned in Potentia.

  Even though the Letum killed the only family I had who cared about me, they at least also destroyed the ideals of a society that were inherently wrong.

  I hate that sometimes the infection can almost seem like a good thing.

  Crisp air chills my skin as I open the patio door. The seasons are changing. I almost go back inside to grab a light jacket, but decide against it.

  My machete is still leaning up against the door. I grab it and test the feel of it. With this in my hand, I feel powerful and in control. I can use this to prevent the Letum from hurting me or anyone else I care about. They are much easier to navigate than those who are still alive.

  I’m about twenty feet in front of the house when my brother calls out, “Wait up.”

  I close my eyes in preparation for whatever he plans on doing and stop. “What do you want?” He catches up, placing his arm around my shoulder.

  I brush it off and scowl.

  “I would have thought you would have been in a better mood. You got to witness a family moment that would not have been possible without me,” he says. His smugness is overwhelming sometimes.

  I take a step forward, ignoring him.

  I test the feel of the machete in my hand again, feeling that same sense of power. What does he want? Anything that he ever does is self-serving, no matter the consequences to anyone else. Now that Matt is back, the baby is born, why do we need him anymore? Who would care if he were gone?

  He catches up and grabs my arm that is holding my weapon. I turn around and glare at him, tugging my arm back. It would be so satisfying to punish him for everything he did to Jess.

  “I am going to walk the line with you,” he announces, his eyes marginally narrowed.

  I could tell everyone else Dominic left. They probably wouldn’t question me. Though, even if they did, who cares? He would deserve it. People like him shouldn’t have a place in our world.

  I clench my fist to get a stronger grip on the machete. My arm inches upward as Dominic takes a step toward the fence. With his back to me, I relax my grip slightly. I want to see his expression when he reali
zes he’s about to die, that the life that he holds so precious is coming to an end, and that his manipulative plans failed him.

  I kick a rock out toward him to get his attention again.

  When he notices it, he looks back at me.

  “I hate everything about you,” I say.

  He laughs and walks out of the way to kick that same rock. It goes a little farther. “We both know that isn’t true.”

  “And why is that?” I ask. I take a deep breath to compose my thoughts. “At every opportunity you’ve ever had, you’ve consistently been horrible.”

  A steady gaze replaces his arrogant amusement. “That’s not true.”

  I use my free hand to gesture toward the cabin. “Are you seriously going to argue that when Jess is in there traumatized by what you did to her?”

  His eyebrow jerks upward. “And what about Matt?”

  My voice shakes through my clenched teeth. “It doesn’t matter. That doesn’t erase what you did to her.”

  “So you would prefer to view it all in black and white?” Dominic’s voice is sharp and inquisitive.

  “You can’t erase what you’ve done. You can’t argue yourself out of that. It’s not up for debate.”

  “You may not be able to forgive what I’ve done, but I can justify my actions,” he replies.

  Despite everything, I want to hear what he has to say. How could he possibly talk himself out of this?

  “I brought Matt back and sped up Allison’s delivery so they could be a family and Matt could meet his daughter. You consider that something good that I did, right?”

  I roll my eyes at his statement. “Obviously that had a positive impact,” I say.

  “So in your black-and-white world, that was a white moment for me?”

  I’m not sure exactly where he’s going with this.

  “And when I captured Andrew and performed those experiments on him, that was bad and, therefore, a black moment?”

  “You killed my two best friends,” I say through clenched teeth, flexing my grip on my weapon.

  I push him out of the way with my free hand. He quickly rebounds and gets in front of me.

  “If I had not run those tests and understood this infection better, I would not have been able to cure Matt and let him meet his daughter.”