Dispersion Read online

  Our blue eyes meet. “The world is not black and white just as I am not. We are all shades of gray. If you are going to be thankful that I provided this opportunity for Matt and Allison, then you have to realize what I did to Andrew was necessary.”

  “So now you’re trying to pretend like you did this for the greater good? That you knew that would happen?” Before he can respond, I spit out, “Give me a break. You did that to them because deep down, you are inherently a bad person.”

  “As much as you want to believe that, I’m not. You should be grateful for me, yet you act like I’m beneath you,” he says.

  I scoff and shake my head. For the first time in this conversation, he seems confused.

  Dominic finally looks away. “I’m tired of everyone glaring at me like I’m undeserving of being part of your little group or even of being alive,” he says. “The simple fact is that the world needs people like me to make the decisions that may not be pretty but are necessary.”

  I should prove his point and end things, once and for all. I’ll show him what doing things for the greater good looks like.

  Once more, I tighten my grip and…

  …I can’t make myself raise my arm. My mind screams at my body to do something—to take control and power back. The two of us maintain steady eye contact. There’s no telling what he’s thinking.

  Frustrated, I push past him, and this time, he allows me to walk away. The tension of his presence follows me, as does the sound of his footsteps, crushing the brittle grass below.

  I climb over the fence easily and hit the ground determined to ignore him. The sounds of his footsteps are a constant reminder of his world of gray. I don’t care what the end results are. There are some things you can’t rationalize.

  The familiar smell of rotting flesh comes through the air, revealing a large group stumbling through the woods. The seven of them react to our movement and moan in the world’s ugliest melody. Their clothes are varying shades of the attire from the territories. The hunger and disease have torn away any individuality. All of them look at us in a similar madness, devoid of any human elements.

  Scientific achievement led to this. How far we’ve fallen.

  If I were by myself, I would head back over the fence for help. Seven is too risky for one person. But I’m not alone. I reluctantly turn to my brother and address him. “Are you going to be overwhelmed or can we take them out?”

  He smirks. “The question is not whether I will be overwhelmed, Joe. If you feel confident, let’s get a little exercise and smash their heads in.” He tosses his knife between his hands. Without warning, he yells and sprints to face them head-on.

  I could walk away right now and hope he gets bitten. He could be gone from my life and I would never have to worry about him or his intentions again. I wouldn’t even have to actively do anything; I could passively let things happen.

  The idea is so appealing that I take a step backward.

  My mother invades my mind along with all of her dreams of us being a family. This isn’t who she would have wanted me to become.

  Dammit.

  I rush forward to join my brother. No other thoughts. My only job is to take these creatures out as efficiently as possible.

  I swing down hard on the nearest one and its brains explode out of its head. In one fluid motion, I bring the weapon down on the female next to it—she must have been working at the hospital judging by her outfit, like Jess—and take another one out. Blood drips down my extended arm and I slam down on yet another one. I pull it out to get my next target, but the weapon is caught on something. The blood on my hands loosens my grip and I drop the machete.

  I exhale and turn toward the creature closest to me. It lunges at my throat, but I sidestep to avoid it. It stumbles past me and before it can react, I push it hard into the ground. I slam my boot down on its head, ending its attempts to spread its infection further.

  After a moment of inspiration, I yank at its arm. There’s a slight hesitation before it pops out. I swing it around and slam another infected to the ground and smash the arm into its head. The first hit doesn’t finish the job, so I bring it down three more times before I’m convinced it’s actually dead.

  Before we went back to Potentia, Jess voiced a theory that’s holding up so far. With every day that passes, the Letum seem to get weaker as they decompose. Maybe one day, they will cease to exist.

  That’s way too easy, though.

  “Behind you,” Dominic says, interrupting my thoughts. I turn around in time to see him bring his knife down on the creature inches away from me. Its momentum causes the corpse to fall into me, knocking my breath out.

  I regain control and push it off to sit up, taking deep breaths to slow my heart rate.

  “Thanks,” I say once I’ve regained my composure. My hands shake while the adrenaline leaves my system.

  He wipes his weapon against some of the dirty clothes of one of the dead. “Another one of my shades, little brother,” he says.

  I wipe my boot off harshly in the grass. The dark red mix of blood and decomposing flesh covers the green. I keep wiping the boot, waiting for it to become clean, to erase what happened. When I can’t get it completely clean, I keep trying, getting angrier after each swipe.

  “Use your words,” Dominic says. I look up to see him watching me intently.

  “You rationalize that all of the bad things you’ve done have led to good. But you can’t stand there and tell me what you did to Jess was justified.”

  He drops his gaze. “Jealousy is a powerful emotion that can cause you to forget the bigger picture and indulge in temporary pleasures.”

  I walk back to my weapon and force it out of one of the dead’s head. “As much as you like to think you have your different shades, you’re wrong.”

  His arrogant look returns. “If you truly believed that, you would have left and hoped I would have been overtaken by the Letum.”

  I turn around and make my way back to the fence. “That had nothing to do with my thoughts of you.”

  He follows me. “Of course it did. You’d like to pretend otherwise, but you understand my reasoning. Every time you are thankful that Matt is here, know that it is because of Andrew’s death.”

  I hop back over the fence and walk toward the house. “Piss off.”

  He laughs darkly. “Enjoy your time with Matt. You are welcome for it.”

  Does it make me a bad person if I’m happy for Matt and Allison even if this moment was a direct result of the pain and misery of my childhood friend? Is it fair for me to wish they were still here if it meant Matt wouldn’t be?

  I don’t want to live in Dominic’s world of gray.

  I toss my weapon down and pass Jess on the patio. Her knife is in her left hand. I want to talk about what Dominic rationalized.

  But I don’t.

  “Dominic went to the east,” I say. I get out of the way so she can pass. She races off in the other direction. I watch her until she’s gone from my sight.

  I go back inside.

  I poke my head in to check on how the new family is doing. Matt holds their daughter with an expression full of joy. He sits in the chair in awe while Allison sleeps off some of the struggle of her labor.

  Matt glances up briefly enough to recognize it’s me in the doorway before returning his attention to Josie in his arms. “Do you want to hold her?”

  “Yes, but let me go shower first. I don’t want to expose her to anything,” I reply and gesture toward the blood on my arms.

  His eyes widen. “Probably a good idea, brother.”

  “I’ll be back,” I say, quietly enough to avoid disturbing Allison. “I want to hold your daughter.”

  He smiles, his bottom lip still damaged in a horrifying reminder of what happened to him, and returns his attention to Josie.

  I gently close the door. After grabbing clean clothes, I go into the bathroom. With its pink, flowery designs, this room is where Jess and I initially found Matt. At that
time, watching his broad, still healthy body hunched over the toilet throwing up, I thought he had a normal, temporary virus. I didn’t believe he could turn without even being bitten.

  I turn on the water and undress, feeling relief as the bloodied clothes fall to the floor. Once the water is hot enough, I step in and savor the feel of the water flowing down my skin. I turn the water even hotter and close my eyes.

  Hours before Matt turned, Jess and I kissed for the first time, which seemed long overdue. For months, we had been each other’s support, but it took a near-death experience for Jess to finally take the leap of faith that moved us to where it was meant to go.

  That night, she surprised me again by wanting to push our relationship further. Using the contraception she had gotten from Allison earlier that day, we sealed our relationship.

  Thinking about it now, I hope they didn’t consistently use it. Otherwise, how else did Josie get here? I better double-check with Allison on that, even if it might be awkward to bring up. Though, from the way Jess is treating me now, it’s irrelevant. I doubt she’s ever going to let me in again.

  That night, she became my absolute certainty. In a world where everything was taken from me—my grandparents, mother, and childhood friends—I was positive she would be with me. Together, we would make it. How naïve I was.

  My eyes shoot open at the image of Jess’s naked, abused body sitting in this shower as the water kept cascading down on her. Did she start off by standing here, like I am, but instead of the positive memories I’m reliving, did Dominic haunt her?

  Even though I’ve always used showers as a relaxing place to decompress and collect myself, I want out—now. My thoughts offer me no solace or comfort. They’re a nagging reminder of how far we’ve come.

  As quickly as I can while still being thorough, I use the berry-scented shampoo and soap to clean the blood and gore off my body. Once I’m satisfied it’s all gone, I turn off the water. The new silence spreads across the room so that the only noises are the drips of the water off my body.

  After drying off, I rush and put my clean clothes on. I want out of this room. The sound of coughing greets me when I open the door.

  It’s started.

  Chapter Five

  I run back to their room, though there’s nothing I can do to help. Allison’s eyes are wide as she looks at Matt. I hurriedly make my way to him to take Josie out of his arms. Matt hunches over as he fights through his coughing fit.

  Allison sits closer and motions for him to join her on the bed. “Come here. It’ll be okay.”

  Matt complies and crawls up the bed, his weak frame shaking. His eyes water as he struggles to regain control of his body. Besides his coughing, the only sound in the room is the baby’s crying. I soothe Josie as Allison comforts her father.

  In a startling realization, I stare down at the baby in my arms. I haven’t held a baby since Carly was born, but that was so long ago. I must have been around ten at the time. Andrew and Chris handed her to me—so proud—and made sure I supported her neck enough.

  I readjust to make sure I’m holding her securely. Once she settles down, Josie is happy enough to lie in my arms.

  Matt’s coughing continues, and Allison’s soft voice murmurs encouragement. Josie keeps most of my attention, though, and I can’t believe how she feels in my arms as a steady, warm weight, though she’s so small.

  In Potentia, everyone treated me with open contempt and wouldn’t dream of letting an Unplanned have anything to do with his or her seemingly perfect genetically engineered babies. They would have never let me hold their Planned babies, let alone encourage me to have kids of my own someday.

  Matt, finally recovering, takes a deep breath and says, “That was horrible. Is that going to happen until the end?”

  I look away from Josie to answer his question honestly. “I assume so. Andrew coughed a lot before…”

  “Let me hold my daughter again while I can,” he says.

  My attention returns to her. She looks so fragile. “Are you sure?”

  “Of course. I wouldn’t risk hurting her,” he says. I gently hand her off and he holds her close to his chest. Allison snuggles into him, and the family recovers from the recent progression of Matt’s illness.

  Even with this new life, death is the unrelenting threat in our lives.

  I quietly leave the room and pause outside the door. What should I do now? Matt and Allison are preoccupied, Jess can’t stand me, and I’m sure as hell not going to spend time with Dominic.

  While I long for my grandparents’ lake to go fishing, there’s something else that can be soothing and remind me of my grandfather. I head out to the garage area. A cool breeze hits my skin, so I lock my arms together.

  In an old storage shed, which I doubt Matt’s high-ranking parents ever set foot in, is an ax and pile of wood. They probably had hired help to make sure they could continue to live their sheltered, perfect lives.

  It’s amazing that Matt came out of that household as down-to-earth as he is. Allison probably had a lot to do with that.

  I stand one of the giant logs on the ground and test how the ax feels in my hands. Once I’m comfortable in my grip, I slam it down. It doesn’t split the wood as I had hoped, and I struggle to pull it out of its new sheath. In no time, a film of sweat covers my body as I warm up.

  I can almost hear my grandfather’s voice cautioning me to be careful and not miss the log.

  I let out a deep breath to expel some of the negative energy from earlier in the shower. I can’t change what’s happened. I can only focus on the future and on making it right again.

  But what’s there to do? Any chance of keeping Matt alive would need to be done at the territories where there is a higher likelihood of the right technology. Though, Dominic brought the medicine that he needed to bring him back. Should I be thankful for that, even though he killed both Andrew and Chris in front of me?

  Dominic shot Chris in reaction to me shooting at the Letum closing in behind him. If only I had let the creature get my brother, they would still be with us. He would never have had a chance to touch Jess and tear her away from me.

  Knowing what I do now, would I have lowered my weapon and let the Letum attack him? I could have stopped all of this from happening. Would the trade-off have been worth it?

  I make short work of the available pile, despite how exhausting and tiring it is. It’s another reminder of my captivity and weakened physical stamina.

  The sun goes down, and the temperature drops as a result. I wipe my brow and set the ax back in the aging shed.

  A dog barks excitedly and I jerk my head up. I haven’t heard that sound since my grandparents’ dog…and he died a few years ago. Jess’s outline appears as she walks back toward the house with a large dog running around her.

  Even though I think that’s what I’m seeing, I’ve got to ask to clarify. “Is that a dog?” My voice rises to make sure she can hear me.

  The dog’s ears perk up and it runs toward me without hesitation. The closer it gets, the bigger it seems. It looks like this monstrous beast is going to pummel right into me. I put my hands up in preparation for the impending impact. Two feet away, the dog sits happily. The way it pants makes it look like the dog is smiling at me.

  I laugh. “Well hey there, buddy. Where did you come from?”

  In response, the dog licks my hand. I scratch behind its ears and it immediately rolls over so I can scratch its stomach. I get on my knees and comply with her demands. Her black, thick hair is surprisingly soft.

  “I know she looks intimidating, but she’s sweet,” Jess says. I look up with a grin still on my face and am shocked she looks almost happy.

  “Where did you find her?” The dog is massive and hairy. I can’t tell what breed she must be, so I assume she’s a mix of many.

  “I think she found me,” she says. I wait for her to elaborate. She doesn’t.

  “I wonder what her story is,” I muse. The dog flops back on her feet a
nd takes advantage of my lowered height to give me a big slobbery kiss.

  Jess shrugs. “She’s home now.”

  “Have you thought of a name yet?”

  Jess says, “Callie.”

  I pat the dog one more time on her head and get back to my feet. “I chopped up most of the wood out here.”

  “I see that,” she says. “Are you afraid of an upcoming snowstorm?”

  My eyes shoot up to hers at her almost joking tone. It seemed almost normal. When our eyes meet, the sadness returns and she drops her gaze.

  “Do you mind helping me pile the wood against the shed?” I ask in desperation to try to keep her here with me.

  She surprises me when she says, “Okay.”

  “Okay.” My delight is evident in my tone and she frowns. Sometimes I wish I had as good a mask as Dominic.

  We work together as we move the split wood and organize it. I bite my tongue the whole time, so we don’t exchange any words during the movement. It’s nice to pretend, even for a little bit, that everything is okay and we’re a team.

  The dog joyfully follows Jess. It’s a little amusing. If I didn’t know any better, I would have assumed they had been together their whole lives.

  While walking, I accidentally kick one of the smaller pieces of wood that we missed. Callie barks in excitement and chases after it.

  “Drop it,” Jess says. The dog obediently walks over to her and drops the stick at her feet. “Good girl.” Jess rewards her with a kiss on her forehead. The dog happily barks in response.

  “Let her have it,” I say with a chuckle. I’m going to do anything I can to keep the dog safe. I may not be able to help Jess the way I want to, but I can at least support those who can.

  Jess snatches the stick away from Callie’s jaws and throws it away. Tail wagging in ecstasy, Callie bounds after it.

  “Where do you think she came from?” I ask as the two of us watch her run.

  “She must have been at someone’s house around here. She’s too well trained to have been wild her whole life.” She pauses and brushes her hair behind her ears. “You know, I’ve never actually seen a dog in person before. I’ve seen old pictures, and there would be dogs with almost every family.”